


Next to You

by EarthsickWithoutYou



Category: Killjoys (TV)
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 03:43:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12099963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthsickWithoutYou/pseuds/EarthsickWithoutYou
Summary: Amidst the ongoing battle against Aneela, a surprising conversation with D'avin causes Dutch to begin admitting her romantic feelings for Johnny...to everyone except Johnny.  Now that she knows she's in love with her best friend, just what the hells is she going to do about it?  Begins with a very different take on the end of "The Wolf You Feed" and continues from there.I'm putting this on temporary hiatus so that I can get my WIP's into a manageable number to be updated in a reasonably prompt manner.





	1. Prologue: Facing up

“They’re your army, Dav. Take care of them.” Dutch smiled sadly, then took D’avin’s face in her hands and leaned in for a kiss. 

“Nope. Oh, no you do _not_ , Dutch,” Dav said brusquely, cutting off their physical contact as if it was somehow painful to him, or…Dutch squinted, still slightly off-kilter from her harrowing experience in Aneela’s memories. Insulting?

“I’m sorry,” Dutch replied, hoping this would function as a catch-all and let her off the hook so that she could go and rest. Honestly, she didn’t think she could take another dose of drama right now. So why the hells did she have to bring it on herself? _Stoke that fire, Dutch, poke the bear_ , she reprimanded herself sarcastically. Live, live, live, yet never learn.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you, but I think you’re ignoring something kind of major here instead of…” Dav paced a bit, trying to put words to what he’d sensed. Dutch tried in vain to fathom what he could be thinking of.

“Instead of confronting the way you really feel,” Dav managed to get out, and she could tell that it wasn’t easy. “I think that you need to deal with the situation between you and Johnny, and stop trying to make you and me into something we’re clearly not.”

“D’avin, I’ve had a long-ass day, and that’s being reductive as shit, so if you’ve got a point, just get to it.” She crossed her arms and cocked her hip confrontationally, with a sassiness she didn’t have the energy to see through.

“I’m sorry this is an inconvenient discussion for you, Dutch, but maybe I wouldn’t have to bring it up at all if you’d stop trying to put on this act. Not even with me, because I’m not buying it anymore. With yourself. Acting as if you and me are some amazing, thwarted, epic love story, constantly put off by cruel fate. When in reality, you only want to be with me because I’m here, and I’m about as close to Johnny as you can get without actually being with Johnny. Right?”

Dutch felt his words like a splash of extremely unwelcome water to her face, and flinched accordingly.

“I don’t even know what this conversation actually is anymore, but I think I’m going to go with a good old, ‘no thank you,’” Dutch replied, turning to walk away, head off just about anywhere but there.

“I could have fallen in love with you in a heartbeat,” D’avin admitted. Dutch turned back around slowly. “But it’s so obvious, what’s really going on here. Get out of your own head. Look into your heart.”

“I need a gods-damned decoder ring for this talk,” Dutch retorted, pressing her hands against her forehead. She headed into her quarters and sank down on the bed, her thoughts tail-spinning into confusion. Why shouldn’t she kiss Dav, be with Dav? That was simple, easy, right. A nice fit, a good solution for her soul-devouring loneliness. No crime in it, surely…but also no need to break his heart along the way, and perhaps that ought to have always stopped her from going down this road. Maybe she should even be grateful to him, rather than resenting him for reminding her of truths she’d too-long kept at bay.

“Liar,” Dav smirked affectionately, sitting down on the chair across from her. Dutch stuck her tongue out at him and he chuckled. “Okay, I have one more thing to say and then I’ll leave. You deserve your peace tonight. Just…ask yourself who you love more than anyone in the world. Close your eyes, Dutch.”

Dutch shrugged as if this was just an amusing, fanciful idea, then sighed, flopping backwards on the bed until she was lying down, her eyelids fluttering shut.

“Who do you love the most? Picture that person.”

Dutch let out a breath, and in that same moment, felt the inevitable flicker of Johnny’s face cross her mind, and it was like a puzzle piece snapping so perfectly into place.

She pictured the first time she’d ever seen him, that memory so fresh to her again thanks to her bizarre experiences that day. She’d looked at Johnny, with that glib, above-it-all mask stuck firmly on his face, so pathetically failing to conceal the kindest soul she’d ever encounter. 

John Jaqobis. Running around, stealing random shit, pretending to look out for number one at the expense of anyone stupid enough to get in his way. Johnny had looked back at her. She had been desperate, confused, terrified. The beautiful, untouchable doll of a bride on her fabled wedding night, the toast of the planet. Instead of judging her, kicking her off the ship or even killing her, he offered her more than just a chance to escape her horrible situation.

Johnny had automatically offered Yalena friendship. His warm, unbearably sweet eyes, and that slow smile that could melt an iceberg in an instant, blowing past every one of her most precious, fierce defenses. The ones she held onto like a child clutching a teddy bear after a nightmare. 

“Come with me,” he’d urged, though it was her ship he was stealing. _Her_ heart, she briefly admitted to herself. It felt like he was saying, “Come with me, live again.” More than that. 

_Become whole._

Johnny was her other half. And that was all there was to it. So why did D’avin insist on making it out to be more?

She opened her eyes and tried out a shrug. “Okay. So?”

“So,” Dav suggested, his voice heavy with an understanding that he wasn’t doing himself any favors with this advice to her, “Why are you so terrified to be in love with the one person you love more than anyone else?” He shook his head slightly, as if putting Dutch’s situation into words was dizzyingly confusing, even from the outsider’s perspective.

Dutch laughed, sharp and derisive, though the bitterness wasn’t directed at D’avin. Far from it. That arrow of rueful acknowledgement was aimed straight at herself. “Well, I would have thought that was obvious,” she put forth. “What could possibly be more terrifying than that?”


	2. Chapter 1: Risky propositions

“We’ve got a line on the location of Aneela’s ship,” Johnny announced at the next morning’s briefing. 

“Perfect, so what are we gonna do about it?” Dav asked, automatically deferring to Dutch, forgetting that he was supposed to be in charge now.

“Dutch?” Johnny asked, stepping closer to her. He snapped his fingers playfully in front of her face. “Hello, Aneela’s doppelgänger-slash-mortal enemy. What do you wanna do with this very valuable intel?”

 _Very valuable intel_ , Dutch thought, trying to process. Trouble was, she kept having all these foolish thoughts every time she looked at Johnny. Stupid, _romantic_ thoughts.

His eyes were like impossibly gorgeous crystal-blue glaciers, she thought, momentarily collapsing into the helpless tangent that threatened to embarrass her literally to death. Why did he have to have that insanely perfect beard, _just_ enough scruff to make her dream of the scratch of it against her lips and…other places…and….

Dutch cleared her throat, ripping her eyes away from Johnny and his overly snug black pants, the dark blue shirt that was left unfastened one button too far for her comfort. She stared down at the coffee in her hand, trying to collect herself. 

“Uh…I think we should, we should ask Dav what he wants to do about it, because last night I put him in charge,” Dutch suggested, taking a sip. She’d forgotten that the drink was still burning hot. _Fuck!_ She thought in horror as pain seared into her tongue, then her throat. She placed a peaceful smile on her face to cover the nine different types of awkward that were going on inside her.

“Why’d you put him in charge?” Johnny asked, confused.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, brother,” D’avin deadpanned.

“I’m too close to this one to be calling the shots,” Dutch clarified, “And D’avin has more than proven himself as a commander lately”

“Okay,” Johnny said to his brother, shrugging, “I guess if I have to follow someone into certain doom for the foreseeable future, I don’t hate that it’s you.”

Dav smiled at him affectionately and continued, “I think we should go to Aneela’s ship and sabotage her whole operation from the inside.”

“If she senses me anywhere near her, we’d be busted before we can get anything done,” Dutch objected, miffed that she had to disagree with D’avin’s first call as leader.

“Except,” Dav smiled, his eyes twinkling, “That Zeph’s come up with a way to cloak you from Aneela’s creepy-ass Hullen perception-powers.”

“Oooh,” Dutch purred, starting to get excited about the potential of this op. She leaned her elbows on the console in front of them, and out of the corner of her eye, she could have sworn that she saw a flash of emotion in Johnny’s eyes. Her habitually flirtatious attitude towards Dav, which she’d momentarily fallen back upon without thinking, had caused Johnny to look…annoyed. His gaze followed the length of her body as she bent slightly over to examine the schematics of Aneela’s ship.

Dutch felt a shiver go down her spine, but not the icy cold, threatening kind she got when she was in battle. No, as she locked eyes for just a second with Johnny, Dutch felt an exhileration that sent her heart racing. If she were to be totally honest in tracking his expression, she’d have to say that it went from _jealous_ to… _desirous._

Was she seeing things? What were the chances that he actually returned her feelings, and that he too had chosen to conceal it? 

What were the chances that the look on Johnny’s face could mean anything else than that he wanted Dutch, and badly?

“Yeah,” Johnny remarked in a clumsy recovery from the charged moment, “That clever old Zeph!”

“Old?” Zeph questioned irritably, entering the room with a handful of gadgetry and vials of some sort of solution. “Really?”

“Heard about your latest breakthrough,” Dutch enthused, “Well done.” She gave her newer friend a warm smile of encouragement.

“Let’s not count our Hullen-stomping chickens before they hatch,” Zeph said with uncharacteristic humility, as if the danger involved in this op outweighed her need to brag about her science-and-tech genius. “I’m _pretty_ sure this is gonna work. The bond between you and Aneela is like nothing else we’ve seen, even in all of the hall of fame level crazy we’ve been exposed to lately. It might actually be the strangest part about this whole thing.”

“Can’t argue there,” Dutch admitted. She’d been thinking very seriously about the possibility that the only way to stop Aneela from taking over the quad, and probably countless other galaxies, was to kill her enemy — _slash mother_? Dutch’s thoughts added confusedly, still half-trying to block out that latest disturbing discovery.

If she killed Aneela, this whole war would be over, victory for the good guys guaranteed.

If she killed Aneela, Dutch would die as well.

Could there be another way? She sure as hells hoped so, because the idea of telling her partners that she was planning a suicide mission was devastatingly unappealing. Dutch didn’t mind sacrificing herself for all the right reasons, but leaving them behind was going to burn like a motherfucker. She wasn’t ready to cross that bridge yet. Perhaps something, _anything_ they could accomplish on this mission could provide that other solution she so deeply needed.

“So,” Pree cooed to Dutch when she stopped into the bar before they departed, “I see you finally noticed.”

She’d come striding in with Johnny by her side, both of them eager to request some of those amazing sandwiches which Pree only allowed favored customers to order, and then only if he was in a good mood. “I’m gonna go say hi to Fancy,” Johnny announced, nodding to their cohort, who sat at a table across the room, arguing with Turin as usual.

“Sure! You should do that!” Dutch had exclaimed with too much gusto, struggling to maintain her casual vibe despite the war of nerves that was eating her alive.

Johnny raised his eyebrows, silently asking what was up with her, but then shook his head as if it didn’t matter at the moment. He faux-punched Dutch’s arm and they both laughed.

“Noticed what?” Dutch asked, sitting down and offering payment for the sandwiches, which Pree scoffed at and waved away. He dropped the bag of food on the table in front of her and smiled knowingly.

“Honey, you are _blushing_. And you don’t blush. I see the way you and Johnny are lately. The best part is, I’m going to win the bet! I’ve got a lot riding on this one, so thank you, Dutch! I put extra pickles on your sandwich out of sheer gratitude.”

“What the hells are you talking about?” Dutch asked, immediately reaching into the bag and fishing a pickle out, popping it into her mouth casually. 

“You and Johnny! Come on! Out of every bet we’ve got going in this place, did you never wonder about the big one right up there?” Pree pointed to the chalkboard above them, where, next to a bunch of wagers over who would rise in the Killjoy ranks or bring in the most warrants that month, there was a huge question mark, surrounded by exclamation points. There was a neatly printed list of bet participants beside it.

“Even D’avin came in the other day and gave me some joy to put on the wager,” Pree elaborated. “Sheepish as hells he was, but the boy knows a solid bet when he sees one.”

“Will you please just tell me what the ridiculous bet is and stop teasing me?” Dutch demanded, nerves frazzled.

“Stop teasing you? Never. But I’ll tell you about the bet. See, some of us are sure that you and Johnny are going to notice you’re desperately in love with each other, get together, and have adorable little badass babies, probably move to a farm somewhere and learn to milk cows…”

“That’s absurd,” Dutch retorted, tempted to ask for a whiskey, but determined to keep her wits about her since this was no minor mission they were heading off on. Still, why did other people have to know about this? What if _Johnny_ found out about that bet? What would he say? This time, Dutch actually felt her cheeks turning red, her skin hot under her fingers as she touched them, intrigued by the unaccustomed sensation.

“You’re not fooling me,” Pree replied smoothly. “You two are already Space-Married as fuck. Anywho, there are _some_ idiots betting that you and Johnny will always remain platonic friends. If you two haven’t gotten together by the fifteen year mark of your relationship, they get to cash out.”

“They’re a patient lot,” Dutch said drily, taking a sip of now stale, cold coffee. Ew! She needed to throw the drink away before she took another gulp just to distract herself from her own distraction. Dav was right: her situation was confusing enough to defy logical explanation.

“Patient, and potentially rich, if the bet goes that long. But looking at you two lately, somehow, I doubt it!” Pree had the audacity to wink at Dutch, who rolled her eyes. He had made _the_ sandwiches, so she couldn’t give him the full scowl.

Dutch drummed her fingers on the bar, biting her lip. “What makes you think me and Johnny are in love, anyway?”

“Oh, did she finally figure it out?” Alvis came up and sat beside Dutch, looking smug.

“Looks like,” Pree grinned. Dutch had to admit, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him looking quite so merry. Despite the intrusion into her personal life, she had to admit that his attitude about it was cute and endearing. More than just a profit to look forward to, it was the knowledge that his friends were going to find happiness together that made Pree so jubilant.

“Wait a minute, you know about this, too? Isn’t betting against your religion?” Dutch leveled Alvis with an accusing glare which made him laugh lightly.

“I’m not a better, just an observer who’d like to see you stop repressing yourself into miserable confusion,” Alvis clarified. “Anyone would think _you_ were the monk.”

“What are you all gossiping about like little old ladies?” Johnny put in, entering the conversation with innocent mockery.

“No-nothing,” Dutch fumbled. She had to stop herself from taking another sip of the damned coffee. What was she going to do with her hands, her face, her words? Could she go back to lying to herself now? 

“Whatever, we need to go. Thanks for the sandwiches, Pree!” Johnny grabbed the bag nonchalantly as he and Dutch made to leave.

“You got it,” Pree replied, and now Dutch knew what was making him smirk so impishly.

“Because you look at each other with stars in your eyes!” Pree called after them, answering her previous question, and Dutch wanted to dissolve into a puddle on the floor. 

“What’s he talking about?” Johnny asked, looking perturbed all of a sudden.

“Nothing,” Dutch said again, grinning painfully, “Nothing at all.” She couldn’t go on like this. Despite all of the chaos of the war they were enmeshed in, and even though it scared her completely, Dutch was going to have to find a way to learn how Johnny truly felt about her. 

**Chapter 1.0: Interlude**

**Johnny**

He was willing to bet that Pree had been referring to Dutch and D’avin, and the idea made Johnny sick with a weird-ass combination of anger and guilt that churned his stomach.

How could he not be happy if his own brother and best friend were in love and wanted to be together? What kind of an asshole resented that sort of development?

The kind of asshole who was stupid enough to be crazy about said best friend himself.

It had been love at first sight, and he’d known it full well, had felt the power of Yalena’s hold over him the moment their eyes met that day he’d taken her away, the day all of their adventures began. As her green gaze collided with his blue one, everything around them disappeared from view. She was stunning, she was desperate, she needed saving and would save him. 

Johnny had never met anyone so special. Dutch just ticked off every box, totally effortlessly, as naturally as breathing. So beautiful and sexy, she took his breath away and fueled fantasies he tried and failed to keep from sinking into. Funny, brave, brilliant. He sighed, heart heavy.

His feelings for Dutch had only grown stronger over time. For a while there when they’d first traveled together, he’d seriously considered making a move. But Dutch had kept him so firmly in the friendzone that Johnny had come to think of it as his personal prison. He didn’t want to ruin everything they had together by revealing what was in his heart, so he learned to lie about it by omission. The daily habit had eventually evolved to ignoring his love for Dutch, even fooling himself as often as possible.

Not often enough.

Finally, he’d met Pawter and had a chance at actual, real, non-impossible-fantasy-based happiness, but that had all gone to hells, leaving him empty inside. Now that he and Dutch had reunited after his little revenge vision quest, Johnny knew his feelings for her had never lain dormant. They were there, like a cut that had healed, one that would be okay as long as you never picked at it. But Gods, it itched.

 _Shut up, Jaqobi,_ he sniped at himself with something resembling bitter mockery. _Get your head in the game._

If Dutch and D’avin were meant to be, he was going to be happy for them, and he was going to support the hells out of their relationship. No matter how much it hurt.


End file.
